Swirling Streams and Jagged Rocks
by Lady of Something
Summary: 'It wasn't that he didn't want him around, it just hurt to.' A one-shot about Jack's affect on the Doctor- what he makes him feel (minds out of the gutter!) and what he reminds him of.


**Swirling Streams and Jagged Rocks.  
**Disclaimer: Doctor Who doesn't belong to a girl who's still in school. Just pointing it out.

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_It wasn't that he didn't want him around, it just hurt to.  
__A one-shot showing how Jack affects the Doctor and bonus, general, angst-iness._

**xXx**

It wasn't that he didn't want him around, it just hurt to.  
He wanted him around more than anyone else,  
because his life wasn't a candle like the others.

He was a constant, a fact, and he was just **there**.

The Doctor's perception of the universe was movement.  
It was always moving, and he could feel it.  
And he could see it all.

He knew exactly how this star was born and what planets it would bring life to.  
He knew the exact time, down to the millisecond, that humans developed spacial awareness,  
and knew exactly what had needed to happen in order for them to gain it.

He knew what would be, could be, must be and must not.

It was like a river, and he was clinging to leaves and twigs, but they all floated away.  
Jack was his rock. A jagged rock, but a rock nonetheless.  
But, like all jagged rocks, he hurt.

Looking at him was a bit like looking into a sun.  
_Blinding and so, so bright._

Being near him was a bit like sitting next to an oven on full blast with the door open.  
_Burning and the heat was almost unbearable (but he burned more in the flames of regeneration)._

Touching him was a bit like stepping into an inferno.  
_Like walking into the flames, wandering among the red-orange flowers._

But he hid these feelings and the reactions to them locked deep within his mind.

So seeing him was more like looking at the sky on a sunny day.  
_Reminds him of Gallifrey, and the orange skies._

And being close to him was more sitting right next to the fireside.  
_Like that time where they went camping in the silver forests._

And touching him was more like stepping into an almost scalding shower.  
_Like the one he went into after he watched Gallifrey burn, to try and scrub the ashes from his skin._

He'd told Jack that it was just uncomfortable,  
and he'd believed him, because he didn't know rule #1.  
**The Doctor Lies.**

But sometimes he just couldn't contain the flinch.  
He knew it hurt Jack, that he always seemed so uncomfortable in his presence.  
But it was something that he couldn't change.

And in some ways, he was grateful.

Grateful that it hurt, because he deserved it.  
_It wasn't fair that he watched them burn and went unpunished._

Grateful for the light, because it said to him that he was still alive.  
_Not like those who had been on the planet he had burned._

Grateful for his presence, because it meant that he wasn't so alone.  
_Wandering the universe, the Lonely God (Don't worship me, I'd make an awful god)._

Grateful that Jack was the one person with a life that he couldn't shatter.  
_How many times must __**I**__ break before I shatter completely?_

But he hated it too.  
Because Jack was a reminder that he always failed them in the end,  
that even though he didn't kill them didn't mean that he hadn't ripped their life into shreds.  
That he was still alive, after everything, and he couldn't escape.

The Doctor was clinging to a jagged rock that cut him deeply whenever the stream pushed against him, but if he let go...

**That's who I am  
**_(clinging to this tiny little rock).  
_**Now forget me  
**_(though I never will forget those I burned),  
_**and go home  
**_(because you should be grateful you still have one)._

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Yay! I learnt line breaks!

**_Sometimes I wonder whether anyone is actually reading these... then I look at my story traffic stats. And I no longer have to wonder._**

_Fun fact: not leaving a review is OK. In fact, it's fine- it doesn't change anything, and the author knows that you've read it anyway. But that's exactly it- it doesn't change anything. The author's writing will only improve minimally, they won't be able to tell if you enjoyed it or hated it- they will never learn the reader's preferences. However, if you leave a review, the writer is more likely to post, updates will come faster, the writing will improve, and the stories will become more fluent and structured._

**Moral: reviews are highly addictive drugs- no, sorry, make that sweets- that increase story standards and chapter posts. And all fanfiction writers do (eat) them.**


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